Here is a preliminary before and after shot... I am less than a week post-op (there I go with all the medical lingo again)... so I am still swollen a bit... I am wearing the same tank top in each picture...
Please don't hold the state of my room/clothing choices/fat gut against me... maybe liposuction is next?
And yes... I am joking about the liposuction... a few sit-ups should work just fine to get my gut in proportion to my new boobs.
Well, it is a few days late, but here are my before pictures... and, although I am sure I will regret it (due to what people search to find blogs these days)... I was a 38G before... I have no idea what I am now, but it is definitely not a G - they took over 600 g (about 1.5 lbs.) from each boob.
Things are going well... I am a little sore but for the most part it has been a pretty easy go. They are still swollen, but I will do an after picture later on...
Thanks for all the well wishes... I am constantly amazed by the blogging/Twitter world.
I am one of those people that can either be very content being bored (which usually leads to napping) or gets very agitated being bored - there is no middle ground. Being forced to basically do nothing for a couple of days is going to kind of kill me while I recover... then there is the two weeks where I can fend for myself, but still can't lift anything more than 5 lbs. Yes - there are lots of fun times ahead at my place.
Don't even get me started on the fact that I can't sleep on my stomach with my hands under the pillows above my head. The thought of having to sleep on my back pains me to no end.
To combat the impending boredom, I will not only have my mom here to keep me entertained (I am thinking she can choreograph a dance to the BSB or NKOTB or something and act it out for me repeatedly), I will have the internet... but I will also have the following to keep me from killing myself occupied:
1. Peter DeWolf's novella #$@%ing Read Me
2. The first seven books in the Sookie Stackhouse series
I hope I don't lose my mind...
Read more...
So... I am now three sleeps from my surgery... and all I can really think about now (well, other than all the worries in my last few posts) is what I am going to buy when I am all perky.
Yes... I just said perky.
And I damn well better be perky I tell you.
I have contemplated making my mom drive me directly from the hospital to the nearest Lululemon store (actually - I just realized there is one in Banff... hmmm...) so that I can buy one of these...
A sweatshirt you say? A $98.00 sweatshirt at that? Crazyness!
But yes... it is just a sweatshirt, and it is highly overpriced... but I will finally be able to fit into one! You see - I can put the sweatshirts from Lululemon on now, and I can do them up... but it isn't really all that pretty. The zipper works just fine until you hit my sternum (wow - how's that for being all "medical terminology" and all) and then it looks like the poor zipper is going to explode.
So I figure, with smaller boobs... I will be able to wear one of these sweatshirts. I don't care if it is overpriced, or trendy, or whatever... this is like my treat for going through surgery.
The second thing I am going to buy (and this has to wait about 4-6 weeks or so) is a nice bra. From a regular store. Preferrably for $25 or less. And it will have matching panties. That don't look like granny panties. I think I am going to try and start with something like this little number from La Senza (I am so not a lace person - perky boobs or not)...
And then, once I am outfitted with a swanky new sweatshirt and a cute little bra, I may venture out to buy a button up shirt. Holler!
PS... I will be doing my (fully clothed) before pictures on Monday... and at that time I will let you all know my before size... I don't know what size I am going to get to be when this is done, but let's just say that when my doctor mentioned the words "full" and "C" in the same sentence I just about jumped the poor man. I haven't been that small since probably about 8th grade...
Yup... that's me... scandalous.
You see - as much as I admit it to the whole world on my blog, I haven't told the big wigs at work why I will be on medical leave for at least two weeks.
Not even the HR dude (affectionately known by me as the "Doctor's Note Guy") knows why I need surgery... the letter from the doctor stating how much time I needed off only said "medically indicated surgery".
So really - for all they know I could be sick, or just have really big boobs.
So, when the big-big wig, and the sort of interim big wig in my office got the e-mail stating that I would be away for awhile, they got all concerned.
Not concerned enough to talk to me about it however - they asked a co-worker.
Cause that is totally the way to foster open communication in the office.
I am sorry big wigs for not telling you that I AM GETTING SMALLER BOOBS ON TUESDAY... I am not afraid to tell people who ask (and really - even those who don't, and really - even those people I don't know that work at a bank)... but seriously...
I am kind of hoping that everyone notices my smaller boobs without me telling them.
Don't even ask about the fact that my even bigger-wig boss (I report up two chains at work) already thinks that I went for the surgery... for the love of all things holy - if I went for the surgery and was still this big I think I would have thrown myself off a bridge already.
OK... so while I am super duper freaking excited at the thought of smaller boobs, part of me is pretty freaking nervous as well.
It isn't like I don't know anyone who has had the surgery. I can think of at least five people close to me that have had it done (apparently I like to hang with people with big boobs), and there are at least three people at work that have had it.
But...
I have always been the girl with the big boobs.
That is kind of my shtick.
Guys like 'em.
I hate 'em.
They get in the frigging way. They weight about a bazillion pounds. I can't find a proper fitting bra for less than about $150. I have back pain. They are ugly. They make running nearly impossible. And try golfing with big boobs - have fun with that one.
But what if something goes wrong? What if they don't heal properly? What if I end up lopsided? What if... arg... there are too many what ifs running through my head. So - I visit sites like this and look at how other people's boobs healed (Does this make me crazy? I sure hope not...).
I know it will all work out. I know it is going to hurt like hell (you know, since I paid the extra $4000 to lift the fuckers up and all... I am sure that is going to add to the hurt). But I know in the end I will be happier.
And I will be able to bounce a frigging quarter off them when I am done.
I look forward to the pencil test.
I need to simmer down.
I just yelled off my balcony at the guys doing renovations next door.
For no other reason that I am getting a little tired of cancer affecting those around me.
My BFF since grade ten is going to have a hysterectomy.
At age 32.
She wanted kids. I think she would have been a great mom (and that is not to say she can't be a mom... but she really wanted to have her own kids).
And cancer is taking that away from her.
My first meeting with my BBF happened on the basketball court. Back when we went to rival junior high schools she was my check and I think I made fun of her and perhaps even hurt her... but then we became besties when we met up in senior high school.
Even when she dated the guy I was totally in love with in high school.
Even when we went through almost a whole summer without talking (and I honestly couldn't tell you why... I just know that we were both pissed about something).
Even though we haven't lived in the same city since we were 18 years old.
And now she has to go through this. It isn't fair.
She's a good person.
Why did it happen to her?
I will never understand how the universe works.
All I know is that I wish I could kick it in the balls. The universe that is. And cancer.
Today begins the OFFICIAL (as opposed to the unofficial) countdown to the biggest (ha!) good-bye of my life.
I say sayonara to the twins.
Arrivederci to the head lights.
Auf Wiedersehen to the hooters.
Au revoir to the fun bags.
Hasta la vista to the buzzoombas.
Farewell to the rack.
Ta ta to the tatas...
I think you get the point. I am going for a breast reduction. IN ONE WEEK!
So you have to forgive me for the fact that the next few posts are going to be about boobs. First will come my fears... then what I plan on buying on my post ginormous boob shopping trip.
Just think what that is going to do to my Google Analytics. The system will probably explode when I offer up my before and after pictures.
Fully clothed of course... hell - I am not one to have my naked boobs on the internets people!
I hope you are all having an effing-fantastic Monday!
I am thinking of getting inked again.
I have a small-ish tattoo on the back of my right ankle that is the kanji symbols for determination... most people don't know that I have it... and most people are surprised when I say I even have a tattoo... I guess I just don't look like a tattoo kind of girl.
Here is the first ink (and no - it didn't really hurt, and yes - it only took about 10 minutes from start to finish)...
And here are the inspirations for what I think I am going to get... it is kind of a tribute to my step-dad without plastering his name on me... I am not really into that. 
I know I am going to get the tattoo... on my other ankle...
My dilemma is do I venture onto the top of my foot? Kind of wrap it up my ankle?
I am concerned with two things... the first is that unless you look closely, it may look like I just have ink spots on my foot - or worse yet - people just think I don't wash... the second - that is the FRONT! OF MY FOOT! And I can't really hide that can I?
I guess I could buy Kat Von D's tattoo cover-up...
Decisions, decisions...
No thanks to my stupid optometrist...
You see - when you have eyesight as bad as mine (-8.5 in one eye and -7.25 in the other - basically I am like two steps from being blind) it is kinda freaky when you start to get a flash of light in the corner of your eye.
Like the "Oh my GOD I am going fucking blind" and "Sweet Jeebus, my RETINA IS DETACHING" kind of freaky.
But, I couldn't get into see my optometrist today.
The optometrist that I give $150 per year to to test my eyes.
The office's suggestion - go to to the walk-in clinic.
Cause you know - it is always a good idea to see a random family doctor who spends half his time looking down kid's icky throats WHEN YOU MAY BE GOING BLIND!
Needless to say, the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with my eye...
And I am in search of a new optometrist.
Preferably one that is hot. And smells good. Because when I'm blind at least I will be able to smell him.
Well, I am home safe and sound from my two week Calgary to Calgary (with stops in Spokane, Seattle, Comox, New Westminster, Vernon and Salmon Arm) 2009 road trip.
Some of my highlights...
- meeting @sarahdotcom in real life... she is a sweetie - next time we will have to hang out longer!!
- swooning over firefighters at the World Police and Firefighters Games (I didn't swoon over the police - because honestly - even listening to them talk made me gag a little... pompous asses!) - I did however manage to avoid running into one of the RCMP members who was playing hockey that was in my wedding party...
- meeting many new babies - well - they aren't babies any more - Sophia, Ronin and Malcolm made my trip.
- the amazing hospitality of all those that invited me into your homes (or maybe I just said I was showing up - I mean really - potato, potatoh)... my cousin Caitlin (who I haven't seen in 30-odd years), my mom (who couldn't say no considering I have a key to her house), and my BFF's Katrina and Jenn. Also - to those at the Motel 6's... there were no bugs, and I really appreciate that.
- the 13 boxes of cereal that I brought back from the US of A. I love Cocoa Pebbles. There... I said it...
- my new Trevor Linden beer mug. I have used it exclusively for beverage drinking since I got home.
3500 or so km's... and I made it.
And I am still wondering why the hell they want to quarantine Apple Maggots in Washington State... who's ever heard of a freaking Apple Maggot anyways?
Tomorrow (or maybe later depending on my mood)... the lead-up to Boobs 2009... it's better than a roadtrip!
I am in the middle of two weeks vacation... here are some of my high (low?) lights so far...
- there are apparently no potatoes in Idaho - the only ones I saw were in french fry form
- I have seen one shy of half the state license plates - 24 in total... recession anyone? I think not.
- Spokane smells like moth balls and Everett smells like dirty socks
- I happened to be in Seattle on the HOTTEST DAY EVER - 102 F
- my mom wants to possibly buy a trampoline and apparently I am the only one that thinks that a 57-year-old woman and a trampoline is a recipe for disaster
- my mom replaced her 31 year old Scrabble dictionary - the new one is like half an inch thicker than the old one - who knew that many new words were made up?
- not all kettle corn is enjoyable - the bag that was bought on the weekend is more of a chore to eat than a joy
- Apple Maggots are a big deal in the U S of A - they even have quarantine areas...
Tonight I get on a ferry back to the mainland... is it crazy that I am actually looking forward to ferry food? Or perhaps it is the World Police and Fire Games that are in Vancouver - I am imagining tonnes of men in uniforms!
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