My Christmas Cards...

by - Thursday, December 18, 2008

To My Weight,

I thank you for having a disappearing act in the last couple of months. Floating in the pool with the old people and not eating crap food as part of my regular diet seem to be paying off. I only ask that this is a permanent disappearance because I like the fact that I can buy smaller clothes and that I can do up my jackets without the risk of popping the zipper.

The New and Improved (and Smaller) Version of Me


To the Old Lady I Followed Yesterday,

Yes... it is cold and there is snow on the ground. But I know you can go over 20 km/h in the white stuff. I know this because until I got stuck behind your sorry ass you I was going upwards of 50 km/h. With all season tires. So please, get yourself a phone book to sit on so you can actually see above the dash and step on it.

The person that was driving behind you that wanted to run you into a ditch


Dear Hasbro,

Must you have so many choices for Transformers toys? I mean seriously... I have been to Transformer hell and back in the last couple of weeks. What happened to good ol' Soundwave the gettoblaster and his little cassette tape buddies?

One who appreciated Old School Transformers


To the City of Calgary,

I am wondering who originally put together the water main structure of this city. The Doozers from Fraggle Rock with their little Doozer sticks made of radish dust? Thought so. 'Cause honestly... it is getting to be a little bit of a pain in the ass to dodge all the emergency water main repairs in this city. It is Christmas, and you are repairing a road close to my favorite mall. This does not make me happy.

With Thanks,
A Friend of the Fraggles


Dear Writer's of Greys and Private Practice,

You have more incestuous-like relationships on your shows than my high school cafeteria crowd had. And that is a lot.

One who believes in monogamy for more than two consecutive episodes


Dear Those Who Decide What is Appropriate "Business Attire",

I find it really hard to believe that my Trevor Linden jersey is not considered business attire. For crying out loud - it was Trevor Linden Day in Vancouver yesterday! In rebellion to this decision, I have decided to celebrate the "7 Days of Christmas", Carmen style. Which means that starting last Monday, until I leave for Christmas, I will be wearing jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY. Take that business attire. I win.

Respectfully yours,

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  1. Anonymous3:41 PM

    Holla to floating in the pool with old people. When I lived in Calgary I went to Aquasize all the time. And it rocked. Hahah.

    You can add my name to the bottom of your Grey's letter please. I want Denny to go away. I liked him. When he was alive. Enough now though, let Alex and Izzie be happy. Thank you.

    And as I said before, TL jersey is obviously appropriate work attire, always.

  2. I love the work attire letter, sucka!

    Congrats on the weight loss too! Adding tons of stress and taking away free time helps...I hear