The D Word...

by - Saturday, January 17, 2009

Divorced.

Yup... as Popeye would say "I yam what I yam".

And that is happily divorced.

But, my most recent foray into online dating has left me in a bit of a pickle.

You see... I put "single" on my profile... because I am. I don't need the world to know it is because I am divorced that I am single...

Because I think divorced woman come with a stereotype.

Bitter, crazy cat lady.

And I am soooo not that (I don't even like cats)... so I put single.

In my last few online dating disasters attempts we have always talked a fair bit before meeting, or our first meeting involved a lot of talking... so it came up pretty quick that I was divorced.

But, you see... the newest boy and I e-mailed... but didn't get down to the "feelings" conversation... the touchy feely "when was your last relationship, how long did it last and did he/she break your heart" conversation. The conversations have been pretty low key (which honesty, is a nice change from the last few guys).

So the D word hasn't reared its ugly head.

Now... when the hell do I bring it up? Do I wait for the inevitable "so - how long have you been single" question... do I blurt it out when I see a crazy lady on the street - "wow - I am glad that as a happily divorced woman I am nothing like her!"... when???

Because I am not ashamed.

I just have no concept of timing. And if things do work out with the new boy (I can say boy here and not man because he is two years younger than me - I KNOW!) I don't want it to look like I am hiding something.

Perhaps I will just hang my divorce certificate on the wall on the off chance he comes over.

Then he can see for himself.

Dating sucks.

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11 Comments

  1. I think I usually put that I was divorced on my profile and it helped weed out the guys that were freaked out by that. Cause lord some of them were...

    So, this guy, do you think you have to bring it up? Maybe he doesn't care about the whole past relationship stuff, or at least not for a long time. Honestly, my husband I haven't talked too much about past relationships, the past just wasn't a concern to us. He knows I'm divorced, but he also knew me when I was married.

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  2. Yes, dating can suck.

    I am of the opinion that if he hasn't asked, he may not care. So I don't think making a big deal of it is necessary.

    That said--what are you fretting about? If you really feel the need to say something, just say it. Maybe you ask him about his past relationships and let the conversation evolve? Or--"Hey, it hasn't come up yet, but I wanted to let you know about my past marriage..." if you really need to do so. :) If he really likes you, it won't matter--right???

    Good luck--and thanks for the birthday wishes.

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  3. I am totally in the same boat! I married young (it lasted 15 months) and we were divorced almost 8 years ago. There is such a stigma about divorced women so I wouldn't mention it until things were going some where. It's none of their business! ;)

    Love your blog!!!

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  4. Anonymous1:13 AM

    Hey, my two cents:

    I wouldn't worry about it. You don't have the baggage that a lot do, no kids, you're still young. It's pretty much the same as if you were just in a long term relationship for awhile.

    (sorry I missed de-lurking day).

    Jill

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  5. My blog is riddled with this conundrum, but the solution is clear. Tell him. Now. Why wait? Stigma, yes. But, damned be those who throw the stigma around. Show me someone over 20 who doesn't have baggage of some sort.
    Signed,
    Also happily divorced

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  6. If he's put off by it, he's not for you. Yes, I really think it's that simple. I think most "big things" are that simple (when it comes to relationships anyway).

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  7. the d word. I dont put divorced either. Single! Its been my experience that guys appreciate a divorced woman if they are divorced. By appreciate I mean relate to. lol.

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  8. bitter crazy cat lady is incorrect.

    It's "bitter crazy cats lady."

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  9. Within 14 hours of my divorce being finalized I was officially "single" and I've not looked back.

    Oh, right. Except for the part where I'm now married again. But you get the gist...

    You are single. You have been divorced. You got a divorce. It *happened*, but it is not ongoing. Hence, you are single.

    And hot.

    The stigma only comes up if you act like a divorced woman. Bad teased blonde roots, acid wash jeans, cigarette, and snarky.

    Luckly, we only have the snarky part.

    oxxox

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  10. Not for me. When I see "divorced" on a dating site profile I see it as "so ready" or "jaded and easy". Either way, I love you guys! lol

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