Cancer... Fuck You

by - Saturday, January 31, 2009

So... before Christmas I enlightened you all with a tale of how my biological father was dying of cancer... and you may (or may not) have thought I was an evil person because I didn't really care (read here for the story before you think I am a heartless bitch)...

Well, I hate to sound like a broken record, but now my step-father has been diagnosed with liver cancer. And blood clots, and maybe bowel cancer and maybe some other kind of roaming fucking cancer... and a bunch of other shit that my mom was just explaining to me on the phone but I kind of started to tune her out because I didn't want to hear it.

I can't fucking take it.

I just listened to my mom telling me about how he cried after saying goodbye to his daughters (from his first marriage) and his grandchildren for probably the last time (they live in Arizona and Florida) after they made a trip up to see him.

And it is killing me inside.

My step-father doesn't cry. He isn't supposed to get sick. He isn't supposed to leave us. What the fuck is my mom going to do? What am I going to do? My brother?

What will we do without him? I don't even want to know, but I think now is probably a good time for me to start praying for something other than a goddamn Canucks win.

If you could all just say a little something to the big man upstairs for me, that would be great... cause I have a slight feeling that the big guy ain't gonna listen much to me.

I am going home for a week, I leave on Thursday. If something happens to him before then, shit is going to hit the fan. As in I may just march right on up to heaven and punch God in the face. Hard. Really fucking hard.

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18 Comments

  1. Cancer really does suck. But you can have some hope in that there are really amazing doctors out there to help him out. And no matter what happens, cherish every moment you get to share with him... our lives are so precious and things can happen so unexpectedly. Use this as a time to bring your family together, I think you'll be surprised at just how strong you are!

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  2. i am so, so sorry ... take care.

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  3. oh wow, i am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. my thoughts are with you.

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  4. I'm so sorry, Carm. Sending you my love. And some love from the boys as well.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Cherish your time together...*hugs*

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  6. I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well :(

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  7. I've said a prayer and will keep saying them. God listens to anyone who offers prayers.

    Hang in there.... make every moment count.

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  8. You're in my thoughts - and though I'm not much of a prayer I have started working on positive thought and I'll definitely have you and your family in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.

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  9. I am so sorry; you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear.

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  11. i am so, so sorry to hear about this. keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  12. I'm so sorry. I lost my stepfather to cancer too. The world is better for him having been in it, but boy does it ever f*cking suck that he's no longer here. I'll definitely say one of my rare prayers for you. (And yes, He'll listen to more than a Canucks prayer from you.) Comforting thoughts and hugs sent your way,
    Jen.

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  13. awwwwwwww im sorry!!!!!

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  14. another 'i'm so sorry' to add to the group.

    seriously, my heart breaks for you.

    <3333

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  15. Saying a prayer for you and your family--I'm so sorry you're going through this. Remember to take care of yourself through this too--take your vitamins, get rest, go for a walk, etc.

    God bless--Donna

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  16. *big internet hug*

    Really, that's all I've got... I wish I could offer more... Perhaps an offer to get drunk and curse the world together?...

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  17. Cancer does suck...no two ways about it...I am thinking of your stepfather, and of you...*HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*

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