Alone... or Lonely??

I pride myself on being a very independent person. I like being able to do what I want, where I want and when I want. And to be able to do that, you either have to have a very accepting significant other, or you must be alone.

Lately though, I am struggling with the alone thing. I am lonely. I sit in my apartment, and apart from the odd floor hockey game and dinner with friends, I am lonely.

And I don't like it.

But I also don't like the alternative... well... I like the alternative (having a significant other)... I just don't like the fact that I would need to find one to combat this loneliness.

Since I just don't know what the hell I am doing when it comes to prospective mate searching.

Here is my story (and sorry if you have read it before... it seems to be a constant on my blog these days)...

I think I guy is interested in me...

He asked for my number... he made first contact. He calls without me calling first and leaving messages for him to return. He initiates text messages.

But... his messages aren't regular. His phone calls aren't either. We haven't made time to see each other, rather we depend on text messaging... which is getting old. Really old.

He comments that it has been ages since we have actually seen each other. When I suggest getting together for a movie, he calls to apologize that he can't make it that night because he is going to a concert. He plays/refs hockey many nights a week... he is a busy guy.

I get that.

But I also believe that if he really liked me we would have gotten together sometime in the past couple of weeks.

I can't do mixed messages. At first I thought I was a "victim" of the "He's Just Not that Into You" syndrome... guy asks for your number and you never hear from him again. Unless of course, you initiate the contact. But this isn't the case. He initiates contact, just not the kind I want... or maybe need.

I am just tired of being lonely.

Loneliness gives me time to fret about things happening in my life that I don't want to fret about. Miscommunication at work, stuff that happened even before I started in my job. It gives me time to have anxiety attacks... which suck ass by the way, especially when they last pretty much the whole weekend.

If I weren't so lonely, I think I could deal with things better.

And perhaps not write posts like I was freaking bipolar... how the hell do I go from being alone and lonely to complaining about a boy? That's how my brain works peeps...