The Hatching of the Diabolical Plans...

by - Sunday, May 31, 2009

So... the best thing for me this weekend was the fact that I was out of town and surrounded by good friends. I couldn't imagine being alone or anything (not that I would have been alone back home... but I think things would have been a little more awkward for sure knowing that the ex-LIGF was only minutes away instead of hours by plane or car)...

As well... being surrounded by friends meant that some pretty diabolical ideas could be developed... some very feasible... some not so much...

DP (Diabolical Plan) #1
The good old "I'm pregnant" talk. This one would take some time though because he knows that Aunt Flo just visited and I would have to give time for the last encounter to become a baby...

Show up to the airport tonight with the ex-LIGF... I will already be there since my flight gets in only minutes before his does. I figure there would be two plans of attack here:

  1. Wait at the bottom of the Westjet stairs, standing about 20 feet away from the ex-LIGF... far enough away that it doesn't look like we are together - but close enough that he would see both of us pretty damn quickly. Then... we could either both run towards him and see him shit his pants freak... or see who he goes to first...
  2. Stagger ourselves so that he most definitely sees one of us first and then have the other come from around the corner. End result = him getting slapped on both sides of the face instead of just one side by me.
This one will take time... because it would involve me seeing if he really was going to "break things off with me" when he got back from Toronto. This has two major drawbacks... well... there are more but two major ones...

  1. As my good friend put it last night... this would mean that I would probably have to have sex with him again to keep the charade up - because as it was so eloquently put, as soon as he saw me he would want my clothes off... and by have to I mean I would probably have to come up with a pretty damn good excuse not to since I have been a pretty willing participant in it all for awhile.
  2. There really is no need to break things off with me because he fucked things up royally and no longer has a girlfriend, live-in or otherwise. So... I would have to be willing to play this one for awhile
This was my favorite by far. And no... it doesn't involve me cutting his peen off and throwing it into oncoming traffic. It involves me and the ex-LIGF getting caught in his bed together. While this sounds wonderfully terrible... there is a chance that he will like it. Well, once he got over the mortification part and all... The drawback... I don't do girls... even for diabolical plans...

I think that is all we came up with... well... except for the cutting-off-the-peen-type plans. I don't want to be thrown into jail, thankyouverymuch.

The downside to all of this is that I really need to see him in person to deal with this - I mean - if I confront him over text or a phone call he can just choose to ignore me... but if I see him face-to-face he has to deal with the wrath of me. And it ain't gonna be pretty. That said, he no longer has access to the ex-LIGF's car which he was using, so seeing him will be kinda hard since I highly doubt I will be heading to his place any time soon after all of this.

There were also some discussions on how all of this would affect me. Fancy that... this affects (or is it effects?? - I never know dammit) me...

I mean... until the other day I liked this guy. I wasn't professing my love or anything like that, but we got along, had many of the same interests, and well - the sex was decent. I am not going to say great... but it was decent.

I can't be with a cheater. While I know that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not always the case... I don't feel like I need to test this theory in life. I am not 18 years old anymore, where I may have once played the innocent other woman... I am 32 and I am not settling for anything less than what I deserve.

But alas... no matter what... I have great friends who are willing to come up with diabolical friends, and I will make it through this.

Now, if you excuse me... I have to answer a text from the ex-LIGF - we just got copies of the same text from the guy and I want to see how she is doing. Because I am pretty cool like that. And she still sounds like a great girl who got fucked over.

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  1. I vote #2. Immediate and AWESOME. Can you imagine the look on his face?

  2. OH MY GOD WHAT A SCUMBAG. Will your throw a drink in his face and THEN slap him? Or nearly sleep with him and leave him with a case of blue balls AND THEN SLAP HIM?

    And you're right that call (previous post) WAS the most awkward phone call in history.

  3. I'm sorry, but DP will always mean double penetration to me.

  4. I totally would have voted for number 4, but if you're really not into girls, it wouldn't have worked anyway. Number 2 sounds like a great plan, though. What did you end up doing?

  5. What a douchebag. I think you girls should go to the airport together to confront him. That way he can't deny anything!