The MOST Awkward Phone Call...

by - Friday, May 29, 2009

I will call your bluff if you think that any of you have ever had a more awkward phone conversation as the one I had this afternoon.

From the (former) live-in girlfriend of the guy I have been "seeing" for the past couple of months.

And she wasn't a bitch. I think once she realized that I had NO FUCKING CLUE that she existed she just wanted to talk.

So - we did... for over an hour. We bitched about him... traded stories to figure out what was true and what wasn't... and bitched some more.

Honestly... this may sound weird... but I think I would have gotten along with her if we had met in any other situation except for this one... she needed to make the phone call and I am glad that she did... it must have been tough.

I had kind of made the decision a couple of weeks ago after the long no-contact fiasco (to which he had driven with her to Vegas) that things would just go as they were... whatever happened would happen. No commitment... no stress... no over analyzing...

But alas, we all know I am not really like that and after I got back home after this weekend (after a weekend away having fun with friends) I was going to try and have the "where do we stand" conversation...

Apparently according to the ex-LIGF (live-in girlfriend), he was going to call it off with me after both of us got back into town next week and go on with life with her. After all, June 1 is the beginning of a new month - so why not re-start a relationship right then? Cause, you know, as soon as a new month starts us women totally forget that our live-in boyfriends cheated on us the month before... right?

So the ex-LIGF and I have decided on a diabolical plan for me to get him back the best I can.

With confrontation and a slap in the face.

Did I say slap... I think I meant punch...

The ex-LIGF is moving out this weekend and will apparently never be talking to him again. He won't know she called me (it was texts between us that finally confirmed her suspicions - should she have read his texts - probably not... but when you think your partner is cheating on you I don't necessarily think that you are in your right mind... and honestly - I probably would have done the same thing)... even though she said she would.

So... he will have no idea that I know the whole story. Or - at least ex-LIGF's side of it - which really - if even half of it is true he is scum. So, unsuspectingly I will invite him to come over when he has a chance (luckily I did find out that he really is a super busy person... I didn't like finding out that he dropped her off at a meeting, came over and slept with me and then went and picked her up at the end of the meeting... all while driving her car...) and confront him.

One lesson everyone should note... a pissed off Carmen is a really tough Carmen to deal with. And by really tough I mean I'm-gonna-rip-your-face-off-and-eat-it-for-dinner...

I am not sure how I will attack him and rip his balls off bring up all of this. I am not sure if I will just come out with it... or if I will have the talk I was planning on having about where we stand in terms of levels of commitment and then broadside him with the biggest proverbial open-ice ass-over-tea-kettle hipcheck he has ever seen.

Either way... I do plan on smacking him in the face by the end of the night.

You don't make Carmen look like a tool and get away with it.

But tonight... I get drunk... because I have friends to take care of me when all I want to do is eat a hotdog from the damn vendor outside the bar and they know it will make me nausious. I like friends like that.

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  1. Oh lady, I am SO sorry.

    But I honestly can't WAIT to hear how you give it to him... this is AWESOME. I love it when scum get caught red handed!

    Do it to it!

  2. I am sorry this is happening, but you sound like a complete badass.

    I once had a cheating boyfriend.

    Let's just say that is a battle I won.

  3. Oh My!!! what a douchebag this guy is!

    I have been there and had the UBER-AWKWARD conversation with the live-in (she was still with him though... what was even more awkward was that i caught him the night before with another girl and then stormed off (obv!). The live-in called me the next morning becasue of texts she found in his phone but turns out she WASNT the one i saw him with the night before. he had been cheating on her with 2 girls (if not more).

    ps - im so in love with your blog already!