The 48 hour update...

by - Thursday, September 01, 2011

 I stayed home from work yesterday to hold a pity party for one.

I cried a lot in the morning, and then a friend brought me comfort carbs in the afternoon.

I'm still not hungry, the thought of actually bringing food to my mouth and chewing it is the last thing I want to do.

I know it's over, that doesn't really bother me.

Actually, it does bother me, but there is nothing I can do about it.  I'm not going to beg for someone to have feelings for me and I sure as hell don't want to be around someone who doesn't feel for me the same way I feel for him.

I'll be okay.  He's coming to get the rest of his stuff on Sunday, and we'll talk then about the cash he owes me.  Not sure he's going to like paying for a vacation he's not going on, but thems the breaks when you never did/fall out of love with someone I guess.

I think I am going to try and occupy my time with volunteering and perhaps joining a weekday floor hockey league.  I need to start getting out again.

The worst part of all of this is that I now have a long weekend to sit and wallow in all of it.

I'll try not to think about what I did "wrong" because as far as I'm concerned (or what I keep telling myself), is that I didn't do anything wrong.  He didn't feel the need to discuss issues he was having with me until it got to the point that it did.  That is not my fault.

As a friend put it today, he didn't really leave any crumbs.  No clues.  And the crumbs he may have left he hid under the couch so I couldn't tell there were any.

I went to work today, and only teared up three times by my calculation.

I'm hoping tomorrow is even better.  Even my heart isn't doing the "hurt" thing as much anymore, and the rash thing is gone. 

I'll be okay.

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  1. Binder - Thanks for posting an update. I called you yesterday to catch up - sorry I called your office. I'm taking a break from life for a few days - maybe we can connect. Take care of yourself - life sucks, but we only get so many days and happiness takes the suck away. you have always deserved the best, you are fantastic, beautiful, highly intelligent woman and i just wish for good things for you - love you. ape