I Don't Know How to Date...

by - Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I just realized... I have no idea how to date.

Seriously... no idea what-so-ever.

You see... I didn't date in high school. I had crushes and I had this very interesting relationship with one guy (friends with benefits... without the 'real' benefits... I honestly have no idea how to describe it except to say that when we were alone he brought the best out in me and I had some great times... when we were in a group we hardly even talked sometimes)... but no dating. I was friends with the guys... not girlfriend material at the time I suppose.

Fast-forward to university. Stuck in the fishbowl that is a university campus I had my share of interesting times... dating, but not really dating... fooling around... one-night stands. I still grimace at the thought of my 'first'... and kick myself for not really working at it with 'the guy that got away' (not that I really ever had him... bad timing all around), and wonder why I wasn't more assertive with others.

University is also where I met my ex. He worked there (no... he wasn't a prof...) and then through good and bad... we spent the next seven years together. But really - he was my first long term relationship and although the beginning was great... the end kind of sucked. I used up a great deal of date-worthy time with him...

In all of this... I never really dated and therefor don't really know how. And now, since I have re-entered the dating scene (for which parts of me are grateful and other parts wished I would never have to be there again)... the real lack of experience kinda sucks the big one.

I don't know when I should know if things are working...

I don't know when to go to the next level... and even if we are to get to the next level I have no idea what to do when we get there... well... I know about that... just not all the other stuff.

I don't know... really anything...

I am one of those outgoing yet shy people. Once you get to know me I don't really shut up... I like being the center of attention, yet I shy to the sidelines. It are those contradictions that make it really hard for me to figure out what the hell is going on.

Dammit. I wish they had Dating 101 as a night course somewhere...

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  1. The first time I had sex was the last time I ever sex with someone for the first time sober.

    Did that makes sense?

    Man, that's sad.

  2. Dating is weird - I've been on a few "first dates" but generally I just meet someone through friends. You know, we all go out then we do the eye-sex thing all night blabla.

    I don't think I've had a normal dating, then sleeping together, then "the talk" type of relationship for a loo-oong time.

  3. Oh my goodness--I totally could have written that post because I was thinkingt he exact same thing last night. Crazy.

  4. No matter what you do, dating is far too complicated to try and figure out. I just wrote a post about it also!! Anyway, just be you always and it will work itself out.

  5. i am in the same boat. i admired from afar in high school and university ... my first boyfriend was in senior year of university, but we had been friends since grade 7. i met my ex when i went back to school for my public relations diploma ... we were in the same class and things just evolved. we were together for 5 years or so, and in the years since we broke up i have felt completely stupid about dating ... and ended up avoiding it for fear of falling on my face.

  6. Anonymous5:41 PM

    Crap, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I was beginning to think I was the only dating newbie who was 30. After a 10-year relationship (6 years of which I spend married to him) I now realize I have no freaking idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating. The number of partners I've had has already increased exponentially since my divorce and it's still under five...