I Don't Know How to Date...

by - Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I just realized... I have no idea how to date.

Seriously... no idea what-so-ever.

You see... I didn't date in high school. I had crushes and I had this very interesting relationship with one guy (friends with benefits... without the 'real' benefits... I honestly have no idea how to describe it except to say that when we were alone he brought the best out in me and I had some great times... when we were in a group we hardly even talked sometimes)... but no dating. I was friends with the guys... not girlfriend material at the time I suppose.

Fast-forward to university. Stuck in the fishbowl that is a university campus I had my share of interesting times... dating, but not really dating... fooling around... one-night stands. I still grimace at the thought of my 'first'... and kick myself for not really working at it with 'the guy that got away' (not that I really ever had him... bad timing all around), and wonder why I wasn't more assertive with others.

University is also where I met my ex. He worked there (no... he wasn't a prof...) and then through good and bad... we spent the next seven years together. But really - he was my first long term relationship and although the beginning was great... the end kind of sucked. I used up a great deal of date-worthy time with him...

In all of this... I never really dated and therefor don't really know how. And now, since I have re-entered the dating scene (for which parts of me are grateful and other parts wished I would never have to be there again)... the real lack of experience kinda sucks the big one.

I don't know when I should know if things are working...

I don't know when to go to the next level... and even if we are to get to the next level I have no idea what to do when we get there... well... I know about that... just not all the other stuff.

I don't know... really anything...

I am one of those outgoing yet shy people. Once you get to know me I don't really shut up... I like being the center of attention, yet I shy to the sidelines. It are those contradictions that make it really hard for me to figure out what the hell is going on.

Dammit. I wish they had Dating 101 as a night course somewhere...

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  1. The first time I had sex was the last time I ever sex with someone for the first time sober.

    Did that makes sense?

    Man, that's sad.

  2. Dating is weird - I've been on a few "first dates" but generally I just meet someone through friends. You know, we all go out then we do the eye-sex thing all night blabla.

    I don't think I've had a normal dating, then sleeping together, then "the talk" type of relationship for a loo-oong time.

  3. Oh my goodness--I totally could have written that post because I was thinkingt he exact same thing last night. Crazy.

  4. No matter what you do, dating is far too complicated to try and figure out. I just wrote a post about it also!! Anyway, just be you always and it will work itself out.

  5. i am in the same boat. i admired from afar in high school and university ... my first boyfriend was in senior year of university, but we had been friends since grade 7. i met my ex when i went back to school for my public relations diploma ... we were in the same class and things just evolved. we were together for 5 years or so, and in the years since we broke up i have felt completely stupid about dating ... and ended up avoiding it for fear of falling on my face.

  6. Crap, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I was beginning to think I was the only dating newbie who was 30. After a 10-year relationship (6 years of which I spend married to him) I now realize I have no freaking idea what I'm doing when it comes to dating. The number of partners I've had has already increased exponentially since my divorce and it's still under five...