(via Pinterest)This week's Grey's Anatomy hit a chord with me.
Specifically a conversation between Christina and Owen.
Owen said (during their marriage counselling) "Nobody doesn't want kids"... then he speaks to people changing their minds... that sooner or later Christina will want a kid and regret the decision not to.
Christina's response... "It's okay not to want kids... some people don't ever want kids"... Owen's response to that "Well, I don't know why. Why?".
I know why...and I know how she feels (and yes, I know this is a show, but this is one of the first, if not the first time I've ever seen this issue brought up on a television show - especially for it being such a main part of a story line).
I don't want kids.
I'm not broken.
I just know me. And "me" doesn't want kids.
I don't know the exact reasons - selfishness, a lack of patience, expenses, potential lack of stability... I don't know one exact reason.
I have a great mom. I had a shitty dad, but a great step-dad. So it's not that. Yeah - my childhood wasn't all rainbows and grape popsicles, but it wasn't bad either.
I have opinions I'm usually very willing to express on child raising (oh, do I have opinions!), and almost all of my friends have kids.
And I like them. Heck, I've even looked after them - and they survived!!
But I also like leaving at the end of the night.
I spent the better part of the last couple of years being the girlfriend to someone who had kids. The kids were great... truthfully it's the one part of the relationship I miss.
Even that didn't stir my desire to have children.
If anything it made me really appreciate knowing I had made the right decision... it was like a lesson in life and I passed my own test.
I am open about my desire to remain childless. When I venture into online dating, I make the conscious effort not to contact men who express a desire to have kids... especially the ones that openly speak of becoming a parent in their online bio. I don't want it to become an issue in the future.
My ex-husband has two kids now. I honestly can't think of any discussions we had over our seven year relationship where we discussed either having or not having children. I hope that he's happy now... if what he wanted was kids, than there was more wrong with our relationship than I knew at the time.
I value my solitude. I value my independence.
But that doesn't mean I'm broken.
Just as those with children decided to have them, I've made the decision not to.
And I'm okay with that... why do many people think there's something wrong with me?