Thanks Sarah McLachlan...

by - Sunday, September 20, 2009

I needed to cry.

And while I have only watched about five minutes of the Emmy's... I happened to turn it on while you were singing "I Will Remember You".

And now I am sitting here bawling my face off.

I don't know why.

Fuck that... I do know why.

I am tired of it. I am tired of being a pawn. I am tired of being the girl that has plans made with a guy TWO DAYS in a row and then doesn't hear from him after the plans are made.

I am tired of being the girl that knows she is awesome, but yet can't seem to catch a break in the man department.

I am tired of thinking that I should put my life on hold for a guy.

It hurts. It really fucking hurts to think that I am going to be alone forever.

I don't want to be the pathetic girl anymore.

I am tired of it but I don't know how to make the feelings stop.

I don't want to sit here crying on a Sunday night anymore.

I am worth so much more than this.

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  1. All I can say is I shared every thought you had this sucks. I am doing everything possible to divert my energies elsewhere. I feel like I should tough it out in my current situation OR make a dramatic left turn and go elsewhere. However, my three WJs are a huge limiting factor in pursuing any kind of social life. So Carmen, go out and @#$% 'em for have a lot more power over those boys then you know!

  2. Jenny from the Block12:37 AM

    This is why you are supposed to call me as I did the other week when I had my man related breakdown!!!! ... DO IT ... call me! If you don't, then I will have to call you ... I am home Monday night and hopefully will be over feeling hung-over... ugh ... looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks! Hugs and kisses and all that sloppy stuff ...

  3. aww...ive been there! For years! you do deserve to be happy, and you will be!

  4. sarahdotcom12:09 PM

    You ARE awesome, and I'm really fucking glad that you know that.
    You are NOT pathetic, and you will not be alone forever. Because seriously, if someone stellar doesn't grab you soon, Julia and I will kidnap you and take you in as our own. Seriously. We love you.
    Don't lose faith.

  5. i can soooo relate...i often feel like i'm on an emotional rollercoaster. when i don't have a man, i'm sad because i don't have one. then when i get one (i've had one now for about a year), i'm still sad because now i'm wondering...where is this going? it's almost a year. often times i wonder what is wrong with me? how come i'm not married? where's my 2.5 kids and pickett fence. but then i take a deep breath and remember it's all about's a daily struggle but i'm slowly learning how to enjoy the space i'm in.

  6. Anonymous1:21 PM

    Oh you are totally awsome. It's good that you know that, and I also don't understand why no man has recognized that. Some bad breaks, but you will get a good break eventually, it just has to work that way.


  7. I can completely understand your thinking. I often feel this way too. You need to be strong though, because if no one will marry you then they certainly will not marry me either. You're a super awesome person and someone should snap you up. Guys must be crazy.

    I was just trying to explain something to a guy friend of mine and he told me that it reminded him of "Wedding Crashers" the part where the red head says, "Don't ever leave me?".. umm yeah, so he definitely took things the wrong way and I believe that makes me seem way more pathetic than you. You better be smiling now, I just humiliated myself on your blog ;) lol.