An Open Letter to Drivers in the City of Calgary

by - Thursday, October 23, 2008

Dear Calgary Drivers,

First off, I would like to let you know that the majority of you are still driving today because of my conscious decision not to carry a baseball bat in my car. Because if I did I am sure at one point I will have wanted to get out of my car and beat you silly with it. Seriously. There are times that I almost resort to wanting to rip your own arm off and beating you with it, be glad that I do not like a lot of bloodshed while I am out and about.

Second... and for this point I have included a visual for you... as I know that there are many of you that may not speak English as your first language (so sue me... it is true... we are a multicultural mosaic here...).

This is a YIELD SIGN...
By definition that mean that you yield to oncoming traffic... like they would have taught you in Driver's Ed.

This is a MERGE SIGN...
And by default it doesn't mean you have to yield (since that is what the yield signs are for)... so stop fucking stopping at these signs.

Third... I understand the terminology is speed limit... and honestly - I can see how that 'limit' may make you a little nervous... but seriously - they test this shit - you can actually drive the speed limit without getting a ticket, and really - driving the speed limit would totally stop me from wanting to drive my car up your ass. Really.

Some other things that kind of annoy me are (in no particular order): a) crazy-ass 'hockey moms' trying to navigate their 90's-style minivan through traffic while talking on the goddamn phone, b) old people who do not look before they change lanes (well... it is the old peoples cars - those boats could totally take out my little Golf!) and c) people who don't know how to back out of a freaking parking spot without doing a 958-point turn.

I thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and I hope you take what I said into consideration on your next cruise about the city - or I will start carrying a bat... and I may be forced to use it.

Carmen in Calgary

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  1. The merge/yield thing is a problem everywhere! I see it all the time and I - like you - think other drivers should get to enforce the law... learn the signs, know them or be forced to deal with other drivers.

  2. we have HORRENDOUS drivers in Northern Virgina

    and I love it.... about as much as eating straw.


  3. Never. Ever. Move to LA.

  4. UGH People who don't merge are the bane of my existence.

    Aaaand my verification today is "hympit" - which made me think of a cross between a hymen and an armpit (thanks a lot blogspot, thanks a lot)

  5. Anonymous9:02 PM

    Yield Signs in the Comox Valley mean "speed up and mayby you can beat all the on coming traffic." Makes me crazy!!! And merge drives me nuts here as people (usually Vet Plate old women drivers who stop). Put the peddle to the metal and get the hell out of the way or go home if you can't drive properly and knit something. Urh!!!